I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
