What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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