Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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