I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
