His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
