I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
