The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You're completely useless in the revolution.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize