last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
