then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
