I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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