What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
