We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
