i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
