She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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