It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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