I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
