Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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