I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
