The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
