Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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