I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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