No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
