i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i already hear my dad disowning me
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
