She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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