I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
