I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So squirting runs in the family.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
