We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
