Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
