I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize