So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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