Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
