All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
