Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
