So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize