First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
No subtext here. People are naked.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
