He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
