Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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