he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
