he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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