im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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