Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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