i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She needs sedatives and a leash
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
