Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
