Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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