I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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