Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
