apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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