I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
soo... how was my night?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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