Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
