Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We are two peas in an std pod
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
