I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he was CRYING into my vagina
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
