Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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