Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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