It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize