some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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