i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
