i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
