And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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