found the other keg... it's in the tree
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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