Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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