you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
