I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
