its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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