If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize