she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
