just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
